and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
