No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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