When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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