and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
