Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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