apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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