He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
