So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
