Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
