Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
