I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found your dick twin last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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