I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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