I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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