i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
