please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
