Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
please come you make the beer taste better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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