I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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