By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
