he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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