The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
