I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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