Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
