i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
