Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
