WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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