That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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