Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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