But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
