She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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