In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
