Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
