I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
