i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize