well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
