please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
