I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
