there's paper in my vomit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
