All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
