Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This baby is an asshole
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
