Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
