I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
