So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
