theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
