seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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