I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
