So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
