went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
