We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
