Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
