i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
