i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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