I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
did you just send me my own nude
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
