ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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