He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
