she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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