I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
